Scary French Press Experiments for Halloween

experimentWith (seemingly) unlimited access to great coffee and espresso making equipment comes great responsibility. In this spirit, Seattle Coffee Gear tests out the things we hear on the gear we have, mainly so you don’t have to … Sure, we made eggs with an espresso machine steam wand.  What more? This week, the interwebs inspired us to try three more truly crazy coffee experiments. Insert mad (coffee) scientist laughter here [muah hahaha]!!!

Coffee and Beer

This is a natural partnership in the beverage world. If you enjoy beer and coffee, there are plenty of coffee porters and espresso stouts available in specialty shops. But what if you want beer-flavor coffee instead of coffee-flavored beer? This question occurred to our Instagram friend one morning when he combined Young’s Double Chocolate Stout with Starbucks Pike Place medium roast and Bailey’s hazelnut coffee creamer in a mug. Sadly, he did not find the combination delicious. So we picked up where young Mister Alves left off … oh yeah, we brewed a French press with boiling beer instead of boiling water.

The recipe: French press, 32oz Midnight Sun Brewing Co. Arctic Rhino Coffee Porter heated almost to boil (at boiling it goes to a huge fizzy mess so monitor the situation carefully if you try this at home and use a saucepan that will hold double your initial volume for safety sake and, heck, while you’re at it put on some Kareem Abdul Jabbar-style safety goggles) and 62 grams Velton’s Twilight blend coffee. 4 minute steep, then plunge.

The results: It tasted like warm beer, the coffee essence was not pronounced. Bummer.

Coffee and Coconut Water

If it looks like water will it perform like water? This was the rationale behind our next experiment. In truth we thought we had a fair chance that this would turn out to be a taste sensation. Some folks have experimented with heated milk or soy milk as a water substitute also but in all cases the flavor did not extract well because the proteins and sugars get in the way.

The recipe: French press, plus we gurgled a 32oz carton of Vita Coco coconut water into a saucepan and brought it to a boil. Then we added 62 grams Velton’s Twilight blend coffee. 4 minute steep, then plunge.

The results: When refrigerated, coconut water doesn’t have a very distinctive taste, but heated, regrettably, it turned very sweet. The coffee flavor was barely there, it was as if someone had spilled the whole sugar bowl into a single cup of coffee.

Coffee and Chicken Broth

Ripped from the headlines! The single cup coffee brewer market is being taken by storm and by chicken noodle soup capsules. I took an informal survey of friends and family members who admitted to owning Keurigs, and my suspicions were confirmed: Not one of them had ever cleaned or descaled their little dudes. Why does their coffee taste bad? Many reasons, and now chicken soup is one. So to drive home the point that it doesn’t matter how you make your coffee, you have to keep your equipment clean, I made a French press with boiling chicken stock instead of boiling water.

The recipe: French press, 32oz Pacific Natural Foods Organic Free Range Chicken Broth heated to a simmer, 62 grams Velton’s Twilight blend coffee. 4 minute steep, then plunge.

The results: This approach was too concentrated. The chicken flavor predominated the combination and it was so strong it was hard to try even one sip. Gross!

Conclusion

After three failed experiments in a row, did I give up? No! In a stroke of genius inspired by too many episodes of the televised cooking contest Chopped, I combined all three results into one carafe. Surprisingly, this created a very wacky yet drinkable cup. In fact, it may already be invented and available for sale in an international vending machine somewhere. If it is not, feel free to pitch the idea yourself — now you have the recipe!

PS. Because Bunny would kill me if I wasted all of that nice Velton’s Coffee, I browned some ground pork, added some beans and New Mexico green chile and made a delicious chili con carne for dinner.

coffee beer chili with coconut water and chicken broth

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